Most families plan for the visits and forget the dinner. The hospice team comes on its own schedule, and the hours between visits belong to the household. Meals are one of the daily jobs that falls into those hours, and it tends to get decided by whoever is standing in the kitchen at six o'clock. Decide it before that.

Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.

Three ways the food gets made

You can cook it yourself, have a hired companion cook during a shift, or bring in food that is already made or delivered. Most households end up with some mix. The question to settle is which meals go to which source, written down, so nobody is guessing.

A non-medical companion may prepare meals as part of the shift, but that is set by the agency's written list of duties, not by what the caregiver is willing to do that day. Ask the agency for that list before you schedule anything. If the list says meal preparation, ask whether it includes cleaning up afterward and putting leftovers away, because those are separate minutes on the clock.

What to check before you assign the stove

Ask the hospice team what the person can eat and drink, and in what form, before anyone plans a menu. Do not decide texture or diet from your own guess, and do not let a helper decide it either. Write the answer on the same sheet as the menu so the next person reads the same thing.

Cook for the eater you have this week. Appetite and what sits well can change from one day to the next, so a menu built for last month will waste food. Keep the list short: three or four meals that work, and a rule for the rest.

Check the kitchen itself. Know where the cutting board, the pan, and the cups are kept, and which ones go in the dishwasher. A helper who has to hunt for the spatula loses time you were counting on.

Who buys the food

Shopping is its own job. Ask whether the companion will shop, and if so, whether they use your card, their own money with reimbursement, or a list you leave out. The third option is the one that most often causes an argument later, so settle how receipts come back to you before the first run to the store.

Ready-made food and delivery cost more per meal than cooking, and they save the time it takes to plan and clean up. Compare the two on what you actually have hours for, not on what you think you should do. A meal you pay for and eat is better than a homemade one that gets skipped at seven in the evening.

A simple split

Pick one day a week for a bigger cook, one hired shift that includes the evening meal if you can afford it, and one fallback that needs no prep at all. Write those three lines on the refrigerator door. When the plan breaks, which it will, you will know which line to reach for.

For a wider view of how the hours between visits get divided, see The Hours Between Hospice Visits. How this desk writes and checks its information is on How We Write.