Somewhere in the second or third week, the morning dressing stops being a small task. The shirt that used to go on in a moment now needs you to hold an arm up, turn the body, and pull at the back while your parent says nothing, or says too much. You may find yourself doing it standing, bent over the bed, because the chair was never set up for the job. If this is happening, you have a problem that clothing and a few minutes of setup can often reduce. You do not have a failure of patience.
Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.
How to tell this is the problem
Look at the last three mornings. Did the dressing need two people where one was enough before? Did a garment get pulled over the head, pulled off again, or left half done because it would not move? Did you end up on the floor, on the edge of the bed, or with your back against the dresser to get leverage? Those are the signs that the garment, the position, or both are working against you. Write each one down in a sentence. A list of three specific mornings is more useful to the hospice team than the word hard.
What to check in the clothes
Go through the drawer with one question for each item: can this be put on while your parent is seated, and taken off without lifting the arms over the head? Front-opening tops, shirts with a wide neck or a button or zip down the front, and pants with an elastic waist and a side or front opening usually ask less of the body than a pullover or a tight waistband. Check the size as well. A shirt that is one size too small for the arms turns every sleeve into a fight. Footwear matters too. Slip-on shoes with a firm heel, or a shoe one size larger than usual to allow for swelling, are easier to get on than laces. If new clothes are being bought, make sure they are sized for the person in the bed now and not for the person they were before the illness.
What to check in the room
Pick one chair, and set it in the same place each morning. A chair with arms that your parent can hold, placed so you are facing them, changes the job from a lift to a sequence. Keep the clothes within reach, laid out in the order they go on. Keep a robe or blanket ready for the minutes between steps, so the body is not cold while you work. If the hospice team has a therapist who visits, ask whether an occupational therapist can watch one dressing and suggest a method. Ask the nurse or the aide to show you the method they use, and then use it, rather than inventing a new one on the morning you are tired.
What to ask before you buy
If you are buying new clothes, ask whether the garment can be returned if the fit or the fastener does not work after one try. Ask whether a different garment shape would make a seated dressing easier. Keep a short list of the garments that work, with their sizes, in the same folder where you keep the care schedule, so the next person who dresses your parent does not start from zero.
If you are the only person doing the dressing, say so to the hospice team. It is a reasonable thing to report, and it changes what they should be watching for on their own visits. The Hours Between Hospice Visits page on this site describes the gap between visits in more detail.