A respite stay gives the family a planned break while the parent is cared for somewhere else for a few days. The stay is only as good as the place that holds it. When you compare facilities, you are comparing the bed, the people, and the routine, in that order.
Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.
Confirm the bed and the arrangement
Respite stays are usually arranged through the hospice, and the facility has to be one the hospice can use for that purpose. Ask the hospice social worker which facilities it has used before. Then ask each facility whether the bed is held for your dates in writing, what happens if the parent needs to leave early, and which costs the family would pay and which the hospice would cover. Get those answers on one page.
Ask who is responsible for care during the stay
Ask how many nursing hours the facility keeps on the shift, how the aide staffing works, and who to call at night. Ask whether the hospice team keeps its visits during the stay and how notes pass between the hospice and the facility. A facility that cannot say who is responsible for each part of the care is not ready to take the stay.
Ask how the medicine list is received and kept
Bring a current list and ask the facility how it receives the list, who keeps the supply, where it is stored, and how a change in the list reaches the nurse. You and the hospice keep the list up to date, so ask who on the facility side confirms each change. Ask the facility to describe its own process in its own words.
Compare the routine, not the brochure
Ask the questions that show how a regular day runs. Ask about meals and whether the kitchen can follow the diet you have been using. Ask how transfers are handled, whether the facility accepts the parent's own clothing and equipment such as a wheelchair, whether there is a phone the parent can reach, and what the visiting rules are. Ask how the family is updated during the stay and how often.
Visit at the hour you would arrive
Tour the facility at a time close to when you would drop off the parent, not only in the middle of the morning when the staff are at full strength. Notice how the staff speak to the residents and whether the questions you asked are answered directly.
Keep the notes for the next stay
Write down which facility held the bed, what it said about staffing, what it did with the list, and what surprised you. The next stay will be easier if you have the answers in front of you. Local Help for Hospice Families lists resources in the area that can help you find the next step.