The first thing a family caregiver usually drops is their own care. Nobody schedules it for you, nobody reminds you of it, and it does not appear on the hospice visit calendar. By the time anyone notices, a routine check has been put off for longer than you meant. The fix is small, but you have to see the problem first.
Local option: New Plan Care gives families in the St. Louis area in-home help so a parent can stay home: companionship, help with bathing and dressing, meals, and overnight care. Call (314) 405-0887.
What the problem looks like
Your own doctor visits, dental cleanings, eye exams and routine tests start sliding. Refills for your own prescriptions get picked up late or not at all. You say you will call the office next week, and next week turns into the one after. This is not a sign that you have stopped caring. Every hour of the day has a claim on it from someone else.
How to tell you have it
Take a sheet of paper and write one line for each of your own routine items: the doctor, the dentist, the eye doctor, any test your own doctor has asked for, and your own refills. Beside each line, write the last time you did it, not the time you plan to. Any line that shows a long gap is the sign. Do this check once now, then again whenever the hospice plan changes.
Put yourself on the calendar
Treat one appointment for yourself the way you treat a hospice visit. Write it on the same calendar, with the time and the place, and name who will cover the person at home while you go. That person can be a sibling, a friend, or a paid companion for the hour. If you cannot name anyone, solve that first, before the appointment.
Ask your own doctor what can wait
Call your own doctor and ask which of your routine checks can wait and which should not. Ask for the answer in writing or through the patient portal, and keep it on the same sheet. You are not asking for a diagnosis. You are asking which items belong on the calendar now and which can move to a later one.
Ask the hospice team for caregiver support
The hospice social worker can talk through respite options, paid help for an hour and other practical supports, and can point you to caregiver organizations that run their own groups. Ask for the names of those groups and their contact details, and call one before you need it.
If something about your own health changes between appointments, call your own doctor and do not wait for the calendar. This page cannot tell you what a change means, and no list of appointments replaces the person who knows your history. For how we keep our writing to what can be checked, see How We Write.